Library Lotion

Several things:
I smell tuna. Several months ago, I made a promise to myself, to nature? perhaps...but mostly to myself, I suppose, for the cause of nature, that I would refrain from eating seafood. We are raping the seas; taking more than our share. And for someone who is fascinated, awed even, by the life and mechanisms of the sea, this saddens me. It truly saddens me...I know that under God's authority, man is given authority above the land and sea animals. But, as with so many other things, man has abused that and has used it for personal gain. BUT...and I have confessed to this...I did eat fresh salmon the weekend of Kelsey's wedding. My eyes roll in pure satisfaction as I remember the smooth texture, the buttery taste, the herbs, even the scent...and I want it again. I want to eat seafood. I want a tuna sandwhich with lettuce and tomatoe. I have been craving it since that fateful day I partook of the forbidden fruit on the coast of northern California. What am I to do? Well, today, I will stick with my chicken. And as much as I want to buy cans of tuna...I won't. I won't, I won't, I won't!!!

Secondly,
I am enjoying all of my classes. So far. I know that soon I will begin to feel the pressure of argumentation and debate as I am not much of an arguer and not much of a debater. But still, I find the class fascinating. I thought today that maybe I should have majored in the history of communication or the anthropology or linguistics or...something along that nature. I find the study of communcation absolutely fascinating! Print Media is definently interesting to me as well but more of in an artistic way. For the most part, writing comes easy for me. I like to put my thoughts into words, I like to argue on paper, I like to let my "creative juice" flow through
poetry and other forms of creative writing. But it doesn't stretch my mind as I believe majoring in any other study of communication would. Did I take the easy way out? Well, I don't know. I don't regret my major nor am I displeased with it. I enjoy it! Oh, to have the best of both worlds. Maybe...maybe I will go back to school somewhere else and take some different communication classes. That is that.

Thirdly,
I am hungry. Desperately. So, I am going to say good-bye and go eat my chicken.

ayo

well.
its a new school year
and its already crazy.
i can't figure out why.
senior year.
its my last year of school
all my life has been dominated by this school thing
and now its ending...

The Never Mind

I wish I could speak in a code that...someone...could understand. Someone I have not yet met. Someone who would not hold anything against me. Someone who understood the message.

I wish I knew the message.

Or at least how to formulate it...because I have the words...they just aren't in order. I feel like I have so much to tell (but I really don't. It's a trick that my mind sometimes plays on me...or a trick that someone plays on my mind). But it would help, I believe, if someone would listen and would appreciate the telling. I wish I were an artist. I have always done well with pictures...show me a picture and I can figure it out! But now...even I don't understand the words that are floating about in my mind...I just see bits and pieces...and if I could just sketch it out with number 2 lead, I might have a better idea of just exactly what this..."message"...is. And don't have it in me to sketch it out in words because I don't understand much of it.

I just know that sometimes I see myself in different places, doing diffrent things and I see what I am doing now and I wonder who I am...exactly. Not in a "I-don't-know-who-I-am" sort of thing...just...I guess I have dreams and I wonder if they're worth anything...or if I'm just allowing myself to be deluded that they can become a reality. I am sure that each person, no matter what stage he is in, often wonders the same thing. It is no new quandry.

However, more recently I am tempted to take things into my own hands. Not commanding destiny...but taking a gamble...and spurring things along. Time will tell...

Anyway...
that is that. Thanks for reading...you really do have no idea what it means to have someone read my thoughts, to get them out knowing that there is a good chance someone will find them...or maybe you do understand. I don't know. But thanks anyway...