The Never Mind

I wish I could speak in a code that...someone...could understand. Someone I have not yet met. Someone who would not hold anything against me. Someone who understood the message.

I wish I knew the message.

Or at least how to formulate it...because I have the words...they just aren't in order. I feel like I have so much to tell (but I really don't. It's a trick that my mind sometimes plays on me...or a trick that someone plays on my mind). But it would help, I believe, if someone would listen and would appreciate the telling. I wish I were an artist. I have always done well with pictures...show me a picture and I can figure it out! But now...even I don't understand the words that are floating about in my mind...I just see bits and pieces...and if I could just sketch it out with number 2 lead, I might have a better idea of just exactly what this..."message"...is. And don't have it in me to sketch it out in words because I don't understand much of it.

I just know that sometimes I see myself in different places, doing diffrent things and I see what I am doing now and I wonder who I am...exactly. Not in a "I-don't-know-who-I-am" sort of thing...just...I guess I have dreams and I wonder if they're worth anything...or if I'm just allowing myself to be deluded that they can become a reality. I am sure that each person, no matter what stage he is in, often wonders the same thing. It is no new quandry.

However, more recently I am tempted to take things into my own hands. Not commanding destiny...but taking a gamble...and spurring things along. Time will tell...

Anyway...
that is that. Thanks for reading...you really do have no idea what it means to have someone read my thoughts, to get them out knowing that there is a good chance someone will find them...or maybe you do understand. I don't know. But thanks anyway...