thoughts before bed

before i fall asleep
things chase in my mind
money
always money
can i afford this?
is my pain worth this?
my job is ick man
ick.
for the past three days i've been alone at work
no lunch break
nothing
hey, yeah. thats illegal
but people need to eat.
(but wait.... so do i...)
i have decided to quit before i go home
i can't handle anymore
so i decided in addition to more terryberry this fall
i will babysit
but she wants me 3-6 everyday
no. i can't
i will email her in the morning
take out a loan says dad.
we can do it
dont over load yourself
okay i say
instantly i worry
but money
but food?
will i be able to afford two ply tissue paper?
can i buy kleenex?
what if i need something?
i'm a believer in doing things yourself.
because people normally dont see your vision
dont care about what you care about
and blah blah
so the fact of not working more than 8 hours a week scares me
but then again i'll be interning
the truth of the matter is i hate downtime
it scares me
my thoughts terrify me
when i'm running around on the floor
i dont think about him
that i'm still waiting for him to call me tomorrow
when i'm asking if you need ketchup or tabasco
i dont worry about the future
give it to God.
its all i can do.
stressing out wont change anything
he'll call if its meant to be
do i want another josh?
no.
my future
God holds
i dont.
when my feet hurt
God give me pedicures
well
kinda.
he provides them maybe.
the hotel opened on may 17th
and today
i saw my first family pray before eating.
Right now, as lame as this thought sounds
I'd like to draw God a picture
to put on His refrigerator just to show Him
that i appreciate Him. Maybe just maybe, it would look
like a twilight. It would capture the beauty He created.
or if i didn't
He knows.
its a twilight.