make your smile sweet to see, dont you take this a-way. im still wanting your face on my cheek

my knees hurt today. I don't know why, but they hurt. As Neutral Milk Hotel plays in the background I wish i had lifted better. " Bone over Bone" " ABC's of Stunting" I'm not an 85 year old in a retirement home. I'm 21, the supposed prime of my life and my knees hurt. "Consider it all joy my brethren...." That is my new mantra. Every time I whine or complain, I stop and say that. Its hard to consider it all joy. So friggin hard. Some days I look at my life, where I am, my body, my face, my lack of a boyfriend-ness and bitter pants are worn that day. I'm in Old Testament II today with Doctor Varner. We learned about Jeremiah this week. Jeremiah is the weeping prophet. Varner told us never give up, he began to weep during class and the passion from this man was intense. Jeremiah wanted to give up so bad. He told the Lord, the Creator of the Heavens and the Earth, that he, Jeremiah, had been fooled. Jeremiah was frustrated and angry. But continue reading Jeremiah praises the Lord with his lips. Jeremiah was never fooled. Jeremiah was never alone. Jeremiah was always in the hand of God. There are nights when it seems like the morning will never come. There are times when you feel alone, when you feel abandoned. But you aren't, babycakes, you are never alone. Jeremiah knew this. Varner knows this. I know this. During my POP ( period of partying) I felt like I was my own island. My actions affected no one. The mistakes I made, more than my simple mind can compute, relationships I ruined, I could go on and on. The Lord was with me. He brought me back. I pray the same for Todd. My heart cries for him, and my face follows. You were my best friend, my cousin. And then you are gone. I thought family was thicker than water? you slipped through my fingers like a handful of sand. You mean so much to me. Now i am closer to you, we could hang out . You were the one with the crucial statement to me. " you know what to do Karine" and i did it Todd, i did it. Cant you?

i know you will come back. I'm waiting Todd. I'm waiting and praying.


i miss my stars. I miss the serenity they lent me. When I needed a tangable promise from God, my stars would twinkle and shine all the brighter