Sun Rain Drops

This day has been interesting. I find myself wanting to hide in the safety of my blankets and never peep my head out...unless I need to eat. It's just one of those days...those sunny, blue-skied days that are shadowed in gloom and dreariness. I blame the southern California weather, the gorgeous weather that informs me summer is coming. But summer means change...and change is something that I don't care much for, especially if it seems like that change is dangerous. I'm 22 years old and the only light at the end of my tunnel is the hope that I can become something worthy of life.

I don't like it when the people I love are hurt. I want to take their pummeled heart and doctor it with love and kindness; I want them to believe that everything will be ok in the end. But I don't know that. And you don't know that. So how can we tell them what might be a lie? I suppose it just depends on our perception of what ok is.

I wonder how a hermit crab deals with it's burden...well, I guess it's not really a burden; it is his home after all. He wanders around the murky bottom floor, a benthos creature, like a hobo with no thumb in which to hitch a ride. He sees an empty home, abandoned with the furnishings still in tact. Perhaps there are pictures of a once happy family on the wall and color crayon drawings hanging proudly on the fridge. Maybe he sweeps the floor and dusts the bookshelves, vaccums the floor and straightens the tossed about furniture. In their rush, the previous family had left the whites in the wash and the towels in the dryer. Soon, they are folded neatly and placed in their proper places. Such a benevolent creauture... I want to be as benevolent. I want to clean up all the dirtiness that lies in the crevices of a broken heart and make it clean again. I can't make your broken heart whole but I can do my best to make you as comfortable as the pain will allow you to be. Soon the sands of time will smooth out the ragged edges and the tetonic plates of you heart will meld together and fit perfectly, like made-to-be-together puzzle pieces. Looking back, you'll find less of a puzzle and more of a beautiful picture whose intricacies rival that of a newly formed snowflake. And despite the ugliness that ran rampant in your life, despite the lurking shadows of a dark past, you will find yourself a better person because of it.