I've come to the conclusion that life, once again, is at a crossroad, a crossroad that I can't quite make out the street signs, my little google map would've been more helpful with pictures, pictures of what I was looking for. Of course that would be helpful for everything in life right? Pictures I mean, pictures of what or who we look for, what we are supposed to strive for. 'Here is your purpose' and then a picture. Life would be so easy. But it isn't meant to be. I wasn't meant to stay home in the safety of my parents' arms, although they miss me, I miss them, I could be back doing what I know, what I'm comfortable with, but I'm here, far away from all my comfort, all I know.
Half the important things in life that I've talked about I can't even remember. My body is giving up but I gave up on my body a long time ago. The excitement has worn down and I want nothing more than to be held...held tight, held lose, just held. I cry out that I'm trying, I really am, I'm trying so hard, and its true, I am trying, I'm trying so hard but there is no one who can see, there is no one to hear me or me to hear them. Sometimes you have to wonder why bother, why try. I want her passion, I want her dreams, I want her intelligence; if I had that I would be ok, I would survive.
