My Lazy Eye

It wasn't the first first time of a very long time...
but it was a first time in a very long time,
That I opened up my Bible today.
My Bible.
My food.
I read Proverbs 8...and flipped to Joshua 1 to make sure I gave Jonn the right verse.
I felt remorse over neglecting God.
So I gave Him time today...not because I felt guilty or ashamed but because I genuinely wanted to give Him a few moments.
And I asked Him...I said, "God, does your grace even reach this far?" And something in the song, some words that were sung at the exact moment, answered my question,
answered my disguised fear...
"Yes."
And walls were lifted...
And sacrifices offered...
Difficult decisions decided
(I guess that's why they're called sacrifices...)

***
Life is at a standstill right now. The internship is on hold (please, Dr. Simons, work quickly!) Willits is...a pleasant thought. But a thought is what it remains. I'm here...comfortably though, sitting on Karines bed, waiting for her to get ready so we can go to ice-cream with Jordan (my future roomie.) And I honestly wonder why God has blessed me as much as He has...why? I'm such a sinner..."blood flown freely down..."

I'm thankful for Aimee...and her thoughts...and how we haven't seen or talked to each other in SO long but...that doesn't seem to matter. There is a bond between us Willits girls, a bond that time or circumstances will have no negative effect on. And I'm thankful for bonds such as these...and for the pink erasers on yellow number 2 pencils.

***

I opened my journal today. "I will write, " I said to myself. "I will write..." What? Hmm...I pondered some more...and some more...and finally...
I pondered some more.
Satisfied by my pondering, I set aside my yellow number 2 and pondered some more. Dr. Simons says to get your thoughts on paper...otherwise they mean nothing. But I didn't like my thoughts. I didn't like where they were going. And I wanted no record of them. They weren't necessarily bad...but they weren't anything I wanted written down. "Those ones are mine, "I said to myself, "And not even my journal can have them!"

Poor journal...
neglected for so long
much like my Bible.

And so today...another entry lost to my rational thinking.

Perhaps tomorrow I will try again...
or tonight when I come "home" after going out to ice-cream.
We will see.

Life is hard...
yes.
Life is hard.
But I get ice-cream...and not many people can say that they were able to have ice-cream.
So despite life's difficulites at the moment,
I will be thankful.
For ice-cream.
For you.
Yes...you.
You are special.
Never forget it.