autumns symbolize death. autumn in spring

my great uncle died last night. my uncle luther no longer is, know he belongs as a was. I still haven't cried yet. My mind touches on the subject and like a stove too hot it darts away, to things beautiful, things alive. I dont want to think about it. I dont want to dwell on it. I didn't want to start this weekoff like this. My uncle lu-lu gone. the first of my grands on my fathers side to die. One then another, will they drop like flies? What will they take with them to the grave? In a way i'm ashamed of my grandfather, but i was so proud of uncleluther. they both came over from armenia after the genocides, their father having just died for their country. My great uncle embraced his country, doing many things for the armenian people, eventually even opening a museum. but my grandfather fled from everything armenian. he changed his name from emanuel eskijian to john bennett, pulling the name from the phone book.
everything that came from my grandfather had no touch of a man named emanuel.
john bennett had a family
elizabeth, john, arlene
speak only english
know only of armenian food
then my sister and i came
my parents gave me an armenian name
karine
and an armenian second middle name
eskijian
and thats all i have
i have never heard my grandfather utter one word about armenia
and few times i have heard him swear in turkish
but that ends there
and thats what i am sad
sad for not listening to uncle luther more to learn
of my heritage
because i know my grandfather will never tell.
good bye uncle luther.