Karine-amiah

There was a baby today at AFI
a widdle, iddle, biddile baby.
so cute and innocent.
Everything is so simple to Cecila
mommy, daddy, food, toys.
i, used to be like cecila, twice, like
once i was a little baby
drooling and being spoon fed.
then more recently i
was a baby christian
all i needed to know was
that God loved me
and died for my sins
that was all i could handle
all i could understand.
but i'm growing in my walk
and more questions come to mind
i dont know know the answers to them
am i dumb? am i blind? tripping into
the sun, blinded by the light?
no
i listened to 103.1 today
a band discussed religion
they dont believe in one way
everything is right
find it in yourself said
jonesy
no jonesy
no
there is nothing good in me
nothing nice
nothing sweet
nothing cute
nothing precious
i feel like jeremiah
everytime i hear something
of the jonesy sort
i get this feeling in my throat
and i want to ball up
and cry
i know what i am doing
i know this is right for me
dear mr. jonesy
i have looked for the good in me
i have looked for the beauty in me
and i ended up in bed, drunk
with a guy whose name i can
only remember 10% of the time
i dont like my insides

so many thoughts are whirly in my tiny head
thoughts about why christians are horrible
stuck up and one sided
dumb
and everything
how many times have i heard that?

that thought hurts me much
i think if i write more
i'll weep.