I felt like a Bird...

Dr. Simons says that is a phrase that one would pick up off the sidewalk...so avoid it. But I can't think of anything else but that today, I felt like a bird.

Adventrous.
Foreign ( a bird flying south perhaps)
Free.
Imaginative.
Crazy.
Cute.
Goofy.

I felt like me...something I haven't really felt in awhile...most likely because I worry too much. Yup.
That's it.

I was talking to Matt Derr tonight and he thinks my writing is amazing. I put more thought and effort into homework assignments than this blog...but it was nice of him to say that. It encouraged me.

I went to Pine Mountain today...several times. Not physically but in my mind I travelled up north on the 101 until I arrived in Willits. I took a right on Baechtel and then another right on East Hill...kept to the left all the way until past the bridge where I came to the stop sign. And there I took a right on Center Valley Road, which turns into Ridgewood Road...my road. 4991 Ridgewood Road, to be exact. It was the only red mail box on the right hand side on all of Pine Mountain...until we painted it black and then it looked like all the others. I was thinking of God and his creation tonight...and how beautiful Pine Mountain is at night, when all the stars are visible and not covered by smog or city lights. The air is pure. The language innocent. I imagined myself in the field, with my arms lifted up...like I used to do in the night. It's funny how life still goes on there...I am no special part in its existance.

We really don't belong anywhere, do we? Save for the hand of God. That is where I am. Ultimately, I guess that is all that matters.

That is what I was talking to God about this evening...having to give myself up to him, having to trust him with my homeless self. It seems that I've always belonged somewhere, doing something...it's hard to be in that transitioning stage where you're just...there.

taking up space
taking up air

I tell myself that God is preparing me for something bigger...at least, that is my hope. So I work hard where I am...I write. I sell books. I do it (most of the time) with a smile on my face. I try to love God and love people. He knows how much I lack, how much I fail...but his grace is sufficient...yes, for even me.

Hallelujah.

My struggle, I find, is giving up yesterday and embracing today. And hoping for tomorrow. Jim Elliot said, "Live to the hilt every situation. Wherever you are, be all there." For some reason, these last couple weeks have been hard...but, as Job says, "He knows the way that I take, and when He has tested me, I will come forth as gold." (23:10)

God is bigger than my fears.
God is bigger than my dreams.
God is bigger than my insecurities.
God is bigger than all of my doubts.

I smile as I write this.
Abba, you know what I have and it isn't much. It's going to be wild seeing what you are going to do with a girl like me. :)

I can rest tonight knowing that God is faithful...

sweet dreams, Karine.
sweet dreams, Jonn.
Thanks for taking in a homeless person like me. May God richly bless you both...